At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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