you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
