he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
