pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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