Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
