Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
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