new low.... made out with someone while peeing
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
