ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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