She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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