i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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