I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
