So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
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The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
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We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
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