forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
This girl is more easily done than said...
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize
