She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
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You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
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I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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