Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
