How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
