when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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