you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
