**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
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