Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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