WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
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