Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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