I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Randomize
