You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Randomize
