So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
