You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
