just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
