happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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