if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
