I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
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Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
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