To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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