do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I think my moral compass just broke
Randomize
