and you said cock pushups were impossible
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Randomize
