He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
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