I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
