my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
