Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
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Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
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Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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