Only a mothe r could love this liver
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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