Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Randomize
