carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
