Well douche your snatch and let's go!
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
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who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
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My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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