the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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