hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
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