clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
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