I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Randomize
