She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
