Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I can't trust your balls anymore.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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