in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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