I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
