I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Where is the hickey?
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
