He asked to "fluff my boner.."
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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