had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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