I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
