guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Drake has all the answers
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
