remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
