whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
