I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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