My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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