hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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