11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Randomize
