I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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