Got a toothbrush?
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
How external is "for external use only"?
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
