My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
