I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
